MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987)
Director: Gary Goddard Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Courtney Cox, Billy Barty
Warrior prince He-Man battles the evil Skeletor for dominance of the universe in this wonderfully woeful and wonderfully 80s epic adventure. The borrowings from Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings come thick and fast, as our hero and company gad about in medieval S & M outfits, shoot the baddies with laser guns and stare in wonder at some of the cheesiest special effects from the era. Dolph can’t really act but the producers have compensated with plenty of low-angled pectoral shots and Langella as the villain does enough acting for three people anyway so who really cares.
Friday 7 November 2014 @ 7.30pm CINEMA NOVA 380 Lygon Street Carlton
BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO (1984)
Director: Sam Firstenberg Starring: Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" Quinones, Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers
There’s only one thing better than a bad movie and that’s a sequel to a bad movie – and ELECTRIC BOOGALOO is the best bad movie sequel ever! Kelly, Ozone and Turbo, having saved the world of ballet in BREAKIN’, use their breakdancing skills to stop a property developer bulldozing their community centre – because, if he did, where would kids learn to breakdance in the future? This gloriously 80s extravaganza has lots of loud fashions, bad rapping and absurd musical numbers but who can argue with a movie that uses a dance craze to defeat evil?
Friday 21 November 2014 @ 8.00pm ASTOR THEATRE 1 Chapel Street St Kilda
Director: Luca Bercovici Starring: Lisa Pelikan, Peter Liapis, Jack Nance, Mariska Hargitay, Bobbie Bresee
The unknowing progeny of devil-worshipping parents inherits the family home. After discovering a stash of black magic books, he conjures up a pair of evil dwarf minions, his nasty old dad and a horde of slimy rubber hand puppets called Ghoulies. There are plenty of 80s fashion statements but the horror doesn’t stop there as the Ghoulies go on the rampage, watching the hero have sex with his girlfriend and jumping out of soup tureens and the toilet to attack people. The scene in which a succubus strangles a guy with her really long tongue is the best.
Friday 5 December 2014 @ 7.30pm CINEMA NOVA 380 Lygon Street Carlton
MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964)
Director: William Asher Starring: Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, Luciana Paluzzi, John Ashley, Don Rickles
It wouldn’t be a Cinema Fiasco summer without one of Frankie and Annette’s awful beach party movies and this one has everything you’d expect and more. The gang head back to the beach for another summer of bikinis, butt-wiggling and bad jokes but find their turf overrun by bodybuilders in hot pink capes. Then a horny Italian countess flies in to check out the beefcake, takes a shine to Frankie and campy complications ensue. Stevie Wonder and Dick Dale make musical cameos, Candy Johnson knocks surfers off their boards with her perpetual motion dance moves and Don Rickles plays a guy called Jack Fanny. And, no, I didn’t make that up.
Friday 9 January 2015 @ 7.30pm CINEMA NOVA 380 Lygon Street Carlton
PIRANHA 2: FLYING KILLERS (1981)
Director: James Cameron Starring: Tricia O’Neill, Steve Marachuk, Lance Henriksen, Ricky Paull Goldin
The renowned director of this opus called it “the finest flying piranha movie ever made” and I agree. Genetically modified piranhas spill into the ocean, rape some flying fish and produce the murderous mutants of the title. Piranha pandemonium ensues as the ferocious fish chow down on holiday makers at a local beach resort. The attack scenes are very special, the flying piranha effects even better, a couple of topless chicks get bumped off and Lance Henriksen appears as the sheriff in all his grouchy glory. The movie’s highlight however is the climactic assault on the annual fish fry in which extras march down the beach chanting “We want fish!” before being seen off en masse. A lot of people call this Cameron’s worst movie (not that he directed all that much of it) but it’s a lot more fun than “Avatar” and considerably shorter. “We want fish! We want fish!”
Friday 6 February 2015 @ 7.30pm CINEMA NOVA 380 Lygon Street Carlton